Do you remember this song, from the 90s?
FEAR, by Ian Brown.
Final execution and resurrection
Free expression as revolution
Finding everything and realising
You got the fear
You got the fear
You got the fear
You got the fear
Or this song from the 00s
The Fear by Lily Allen
I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear
‘Cause I’m being taken over by the fear
My Experience of The Fear
The fear is a crippling mindset that often takes over my mind. I have a busy mind, I often find myself running through events from the past and how they went, or possible events in the future and how they might pan out.
Whenever I try to meditate, which is a lot, my mind is taken over by thoughts. My mind drifts from one worry to another, unless it’s a guided meditation with someone talking me through a mental journey.
And sometimes the fear takes over. I have an internal panic attack and I shut down. I literally spend too much time turning over things in my head and then I work out the worst outcome and I live with it and feel the fear and the panic. I let it consume me.
I go into a state of doing nothing and normally eating something bad. My go to place for a state of emotional turmoil is to eat.
I live with the worst kind of situations and think about how it will feel, how I will cope. Who will be there to help me, what will happen financially, what will people think of me? I go through all of this and so much more.
Its tiring, exhausting. And ultimately it is out of my control. I have no influence over what will happen in the next ten minutes, let alone next week or next year. When I rationally think about life, I see this. The fear is waste of mental energy.
Here are a few ways I break myself out of this mindset that will hopefully help you as well.
I do guided meditations every month or so with Kat Byles, my wonderful friend and coach from Antigua. I am a lifelong member of her PR with heart group so get to join these very wonderful sessions as and when I choose.
I joined a zoom meditation last night; she talks us through this wonderful journey where you go into nature (Porthcurno beach for me) and step into a golden circle and feel what comes to you. I stepped from my current reality of tiny circle full of sharp edges, stones and glass into a huge golden circle, nearly as big as the beach. It was full of soft sandy waves that flowed.
People then started to come to me in my meditation, my guides, people to interview. The strength of my voice came through strongly. As a focus for my business. My speaking voice, public speaking, my podcast, panel speaking, inspiring people. But also speaking to inspirational people with an incredible story to tell.
Kat never stops talking and guides you though the meditation journey, you cannot focus on anything else apart from her voice. It is brilliant for a busy mind, that struggles to focus in times of silence.
Talk to someone
I find it extremely powerful to talk to people. But choose carefully whom you speak to. Friends who have been through a similar experience to you are beyond helpful and are whom I turn too. They can help you rationalise and realise that things can be very different or a lot worse.
Something I find valuable is to talk about another people’s experience of my situation. They explain what they went through and are very clear about how bad things got, how long things took to resolve. People will share their inner most fears and thoughts with you if you present yourself honestly to them.
And the most powerful thing is expressing your deepest darkest fears out loud to another person. Just getting it out of your head, saying it out loud helps you to rationalise even further.
Do some exercise
Most likely the last thing you will be thinking of doing is exercise when the fear hits, but it can extremely mind clearing. I love to go for a long run and focus on the fields, woods and nature near me. I must focus on breathing for an optimal run time, taking my mind off worries.
I get incredibly creative thoughts when I am out running, ideas for content, interviews, pitching ideas. They must all be written down as soon as I get home.
Do some journaling
When I have too much on my mind I write. I will write a post like this with the intention to share with my readers. As I can guarantee so many of you experience these feelings of the fear. I want you to know that you are not the only one going through this. And try to help with a few coping tools.
Or I will write into my private thoughts journal, a book never to be seen by anyone, packed full of the darkest thoughts that spill from my mind.
Or sometimes I write a blog post for one reader only, my friend of forever years Bec, otherwise known as Ridley Writes. She is the recipient of some darker posts that may never make it to published state, but I want someone else to read the thoughts with no response needed.
Three positive things and Gratitude
Most days, since the beginning of 2017 I have been writing daily gratitude notes and mentions on my Instagram feed. I will share three positive things from the day and will express gratitude to someone who has made a difference that day or that week or at some point from my life.
During particularly tough times I will go overboard with my gratitude and will name check a load of people who are helping me out. I really find this helps me to rationalise and focus on the good things that are happening, rather than the negativity.
The simple act of writing this post has, you know what, really helped me to appreciate that getting myself out of the FEAR is possible. Reach out if you have other coping mechanisms. I would love to hear what works for you.