Summary
In this episode, Lynn Beattie and Ola discuss the question of how to have it all. They share their perspectives on balancing different aspects of life, such as health, relationships, work, and self-love. They also talk about the importance of setting boundaries and saying no to opportunities that don’t align with their values. The conversation highlights the challenges and privileges that come with striving for a fulfilling and balanced life. The conversation explores the concept of ‘having it all’ and the challenges of achieving optimal levels in all areas of life. The speakers discuss the difficulty of balancing work, family, relationships, health, and finances. They emphasize the importance of self-love, gratitude, and reflection in finding contentment and happiness. The conversation also touches on the pressure to settle for less in relationships and the need to prioritize different aspects of life at different stages. Overall, the speakers encourage listeners to define their own version of ‘having it all’ and celebrate their personal achievements.
Keywords
having it all, balance, health, relationships, work, self-love, boundaries, saying no, having it all, balance, work-life balance, self-love, gratitude, reflection, settling, priorities
Takeaways
- Having it all means different things to different people, but it often involves finding a balance between different aspects of life.
- Self-love and setting boundaries are important for maintaining a sense of fulfillment and well-being.
- Saying no to opportunities that don’t align with your values is a sign of self-respect and can lead to greater happiness and satisfaction.
- Striving for a balanced life requires constant effort and adjustment, and it’s important to recognize and celebrate your achievements along the way. Having it all is about achieving optimal levels in different areas of life, but it is impossible to have everything perfect at the same time.
- Self-love and treating oneself as a best friend are crucial for happiness and fulfillment.
- Practicing gratitude and reflecting on personal growth are important for appreciating what one has achieved.
- Comparing oneself to the past self is more meaningful than comparing to others.
- Prioritizing different aspects of life at different stages is necessary, and it is okay to have changing definitions of ‘having it all.’
Titles
- The Journey to a Balanced Life
- Saying No: A Sign of Self-Respect The Myth of Having It All
- Prioritizing Different Aspects of Life
Sound Bites
- “Can we have it all? I don’t think we can sadly. I think we’re always constantly looking for happiness.”
- “Practicing gratitude is so important. Give yourself grace and congratulate yourself more.”
- “Being able to say no comes with a privilege. You have a moral duty to your followers.”
- “A lot of us are in this position where we are desperate now, you know, people are genuinely struggling to make ends meet.”
- “Even if you do get to a point where you’re like, oh my gosh, I maybe have got it all, I’m at 100 % optimum everywhere, it only lasts for, I can’t tell you how long it lasts for, but it doesn’t last long.”
- “You have to love yourself. You have to be your own best friend.”
Chapters
00:00Introduction and Background
05:56Defining ‘Having It All’
09:03The Importance of Self-Love
13:25Practicing Gratitude and Saying No
18:29Reflecting on Past Choices
00:00Introduction
23:20The Importance of Self-Love and Gratitude
26:20Reflection and Comparing to the Past Self
30:59Prioritising Different Aspects of Life
38:31Conclusion
Lynn Beattie (00:00.541)
Hi everybody and welcome back to the latest episode of Mrs. Mommy Penny Talks. So we’re now on episode seven and the big question this week is, drum roll, how can I have it all? Which is such an exciting question and I cannot wait to talk to my guest, Ola from All Things Money, about this amazing subject. Thank you so much Ola for joining me.
Ola (00:24.238)
You’re very welcome. I’m very excited to be chatting to you, Lynn, as if we don’t speak nearly every other day already now. Yeah. You won’t get rid of me.
Lynn Beattie (00:31.581)
I know we’re WhatsApp buddies now, that’s it. So yeah, so we recorded a podcast on your show. I think we recorded it last week or the week before last, time goes so quickly. And we had a really, really shout out to that episode, the best discussion about debts. So I will put a link to it in the show notes of this episode.
Ola (00:43.63)
Mm -hmm.
Ola (00:47.438)
Yep.
Ola (00:55.886)
Mm -hmm.
Lynn Beattie (01:00.733)
but it’s really worth watching because it was just showered with so many great tips, wasn’t it? It was really good. And Ola’s got a really good recording set up in a studio and stuff, so it looks and sounds incredible. It’s so professional. I’m a little bit less professional, but I do have good software, so that’s cool. And a fancy, expensive mic. So, Ola.
Ola (01:06.094)
Yeah, yeah, it really was.
Ola (01:24.558)
Yes.
Mm -hmm.
Lynn Beattie (01:29.565)
Please tell us who you are and what you do and a little bit of background.
Ola (01:35.822)
Yes, so as Lynne kindly mentioned, my name is Ola and I’m the founder of All Things Money, which is a personal finance platform that teaches young adults how to manage their finances effectively. Started it during lockdown as I thought would be a one or two week hobby. Four years later now, it is my full -time job. So as well as my socials online, I have a podcast, host workshops, live events, and yeah, try and do as much as I possibly can to kind of financially empower the next generation.
Lynn Beattie (02:05.725)
And you are 25.
Ola (02:08.11)
26, soon to be 27, but let’s not talk about it.
Lynn Beattie (02:12.285)
So, well, the really interesting thing about that is there’s a 20 year age gap between us. So I think that is gonna add a lot to this discussion we have about how can I have it all? Because you are a whole generation different to me. So you’ve got a completely different perspective on life than I have. And I think I will talk about things with experience and…
Ola (02:17.838)
Yes.
Ola (02:26.318)
Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Ola (02:39.822)
Yes.
Lynn Beattie (02:41.501)
sort of guidance where I think you will talk about it more with a position of this is what I expect from life and it will be interesting to see how we meet in the middle.
Ola (02:49.166)
Yep.
Ola (02:53.934)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (02:54.301)
So yeah, I’m literally so excited about this discussion. I’ve been looking forward to it all day because I’m reading a lot of stuff online at the moment about the discussion. How can I have it all? So Paloma Faith, amazing singer. I’ve seen her at a festival. She is so good live, literally amazing. She’s so outspoken and just goddamn honest. And she’s got a new book coming out, which is called MILF, which stands for…
Ola (03:01.71)
Mm.
Ola (03:05.422)
Yes.
Ola (03:10.926)
I love her, I love her, ugh.
Ola (03:17.262)
Mm.
Lynn Beattie (03:22.749)
motherhood, identity, fuckery, no, love and fuckery. Yeah, motherhood, identity. Well, yeah, you say that, some **** online yesterday said, you’re such a milf, like, ugh, block. It’s disgusting. Like, anyway, we’ll get onto misogyny because it’s really bad at the moment and I’m getting trolled quite badly and it’s a little bit traumatic.
Ola (03:30.318)
I thought you were gonna say something else before you said that.
Ola (03:40.398)
Classic. Yeah, yeah.
Ola (03:47.374)
Mmm.
Lynn Beattie (03:51.773)
But anyway, so, yeah, so she’s just such an example to women. And she’s like, she’s a single mom, she got divorced in 2022. She’s got two quite little children and she’s about my age in her early to mid 40s. And she’s admitted that the struggle of balancing your family, your life with when you’re a single mom is really difficult. And actually,
Ola (04:00.91)
Yeah.
Ola (04:06.254)
Mmm.
Ola (04:21.07)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (04:21.501)
impossible. So that’s why everybody’s talking about it at the moment but actually I came up with a big question about six weeks ago and
I just thought you’d be the perfect person to talk to because of your perspective. And you are a very lovely person with a beautiful, this is going to sound really airy -fairy, but I just think you have an incredible aura and you’re so warm and you’re so enthusiastic that when you meet in real life, when we meet in real life, like we did at the House of Lords event, God, that was a long time ago, you’re just like attracted to you because you’re so…
Ola (04:35.274)
Yes.
Ola (04:51.502)
Yes.
Lynn Beattie (04:58.877)
Just so welcoming with your.
Ola (05:00.398)
Aww, thank you Len.
Lynn Beattie (05:03.581)
Yeah, it’s a weird thing because not many people have it. It’s almost like charisma, but in a good way for women. Yeah.
Ola (05:06.574)
Hmm.
Ola (05:10.414)
I’ll take it. Shower me, shower me. It’s been a rough week, so.
Lynn Beattie (05:16.925)
Yeah, yeah, well, you have to big each other up, right? Because, and also we have to big ourselves up because it’s very rare you get somebody showering you with compliments, is it? As a woman. Unless it’s, you’re such a milf. Literally like, my God, that’s my head in. But yeah, so.
Ola (05:20.238)
Yes, we do. We do.
Mm.
Yeah.
Ola (05:34.03)
Yeah, we don’t want to hear that. you’re so fit. Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (05:42.413)
So that’s the big question. So I suppose my first point to you is, so the big question, how can we have it all? What does that mean to you?
Ola (05:56.238)
For me, can we have it all? I pictured that question being like, can we have complete happiness in terms of having it all? I’m assuming, cause I think a lot of us naturally associate happiness with a being or something or having something in like in person, right? So I think the question, how can we have it all is can we ever be fully happy? Can we be fully satisfied to the point where you don’t need anything anymore?
So that’s kind of how I’ve interpreted the question. How can we have it all? I mean, can we have it all? I don’t think we can sadly. I think we’re always constantly looking for happiness. And once we’ve finally got something that we thought was going to be, give us complete happiness, we always want more and always want more and more and more. So that’s kind of how I’ve interpreted your question.
Lynn Beattie (06:44.637)
That’s really interesting because I’ve got a different definition of it, as you would expect. So can we have it all? So I’ve turned it into sort of compartments of life. And this is, so I’ve got this sort of theory I use with my friends when we voice -note each other, we talk through our tents and your tent is structured with a…
Ola (06:49.774)
Okay, yeah.
Ola (06:58.254)
Mmm.
Ola (07:06.414)
Okay.
Lynn Beattie (07:10.141)
a central pole in the middle, which is your health and wellbeing, which is the most important one. Then you’ve got four other tent poles on the side and your tent poles might be different to mine. So my tent poles are love, family, work and friends. And the love, it doesn’t mean relation, it does mean relationship, but it actually means self -love.
Ola (07:12.11)
Mmm.
Yeah.
Ola (07:21.966)
Mm -hmm.
Ola (07:28.558)
Yeah.
Ola (07:37.006)
Okay.
Lynn Beattie (07:38.973)
So if I was to tell you today how I’m feeling with my tent poles, so health wise, I had a really awful time in May, but June has been really positive. I’m finally getting sleep.
Ola (07:49.006)
Mm.
Lynn Beattie (07:52.541)
the doctors aren’t really helping me because I had insomnia. So my health is really good. Like I’d put it up at sort of seven out of 10. My friends are amazing. Nine out of 10. Like I see them all the time. I love my friends. I mean, you’re a new friend now. And then love. If I flip that into self, it’s a difficult one because I struggle with self love. But I’m
Ola (08:07.022)
Yep.
Ola (08:14.766)
I think a lot of people do though.
Lynn Beattie (08:16.957)
Exactly, but I’m working really hard on it. I want to be able to look at my body and say that I love it. But I’ve been brought up on a diet culture where, you know, Lynn, you should be 10 stone in weight. You should be a size 10 to 12. I know and I can’t, it’s really difficult to get it out of your head when it’s been bred into me from the age of like 15.
Ola (08:19.95)
Yeah.
Ola (08:30.542)
Mm -hmm.
Ola (08:37.806)
All this BMI nonsense. Yeah. Yeah. Mm -hmm.
Lynn Beattie (08:46.589)
and you think I’m 47, so that’s 30 years. Where at least you’ve only had 10 years of it, but then you’ve got different kinds of… You’ve got the social media saying you need to look us out of the way.
Ola (08:49.902)
Yeah.
Ola (08:55.886)
Still rough. Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm.
Lynn Beattie (09:03.933)
So yeah, so but we can come on to your temples as well. And so yeah self -love I’d say seven out of ten family I had a few issues which have been nearly resolved. So that’s probably six out of ten and then work is amazing So I’m gonna give that nine out of ten. So if you add it all up, like I’m way over 50 % I’m probably about 75 % which is a strong position to be in because as long as you’ve got as long as you’ve got some stability with a couple of
Ola (09:15.918)
Mmm.
Ola (09:23.278)
Yes.
Mmm.
Lynn Beattie (09:32.797)
you’re always going to have something which is wobbly. My family and my love is a little bit wobbly at the moment but I’ve got friends who work which stabilises me and health is good. So I think it’s a really lovely and I’ve sort of, because I’ve got this book because I needed to reference it, it’s sort of come from this book which is called The Bridge by Donna Lancaster, a nine -step crossing into authentic and halted living which I got from
Ola (09:34.702)
Yeah. Yeah.
Ola (09:40.462)
Mmm.
Ola (09:51.79)
Okay.
Lynn Beattie (10:01.757)
Fern Cotten’s Happy Place podcast. Bought it obviously. And I just think it’s a really nice way to express your life, but it does really link back to your happiness point as well. And it’s quite a good thing to reference, like when I’m doing that quick little voice next, you know, I have a best mate, Becky, in Bristol. We literally go through our tent pegs.
Ola (10:14.414)
Yeah.
Ola (10:25.422)
Yeah, and it’s so weird because you assumed that my tent pegs might be slightly different and I would say they’re the same. I don’t think there’s anything else that I would change in terms of tent pegs as in like love, family, friends, like my family, my friends, I like 100%, can’t even fault that. Self love, love generally relationships. I’m in my twenties, obviously I would love to find a future partner. So I think that is probably like low on the scale of, you know, how, where we’re getting on there.
Lynn Beattie (10:32.509)
Wow.
Ola (10:54.926)
so I think maybe we’ve interpreted love separately, but I guess when it comes to self love, that’s something myself needs a lot of work on. I think women in general, I don’t think there’s a lot of women that can say they wholeheartedly love themselves, which is sad. It’s really sad, but I think external pressures have a huge role to play on that. And then work, I obviously run a business as well. So yeah, that’s probably like 60 % at the moment. I’ve been having, like, as you know, we’ve spoken about this off the podcast, but it’s been a roller coaster running a business this year. So yeah, I would say,
Tempehs are very similar, especially when it comes to obviously health and wellbeing that obviously is always centre. Fitness -wise, health -wise, very lucky. It’s kind of like 90%. I did battle with insomnia for so many months. It’s funny, I think the coming back from Japan has helped me be able to sleep. I think somehow I’ve kind of managed to marry them up so I can actually sleep seven hours consistently now, whereas for nearly two years, I’ve really struggled getting a full night’s sleep. I used to wake up at like two o ‘clock.
Lynn Beattie (11:47.005)
Wow.
Ola (11:53.39)
I used to nearly cry being like, body just sleep. So I think coming back from Japan, I think the effects of that jet lag has really helped me actually kind of level out how I can sleep now.
Lynn Beattie (11:57.373)
Yeah. Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (12:04.893)
Yeah, that’s really interesting. Also, like, I think, because we’ve talked about holidays, it sounds to me like your Japanese holiday. So you went as a solo traveler, like on an organized group. There was like 20 of you, wasn’t there? It sounds like it was pretty life changing because it was such a brave thing to do. And Japan is literally like the future. So it’s almost like that maybe reset your life.
Ola (12:12.078)
Mm.
Ola (12:17.678)
Yes. Yes. Yeah.
Yeah.
Ola (12:29.422)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, I think so. And I think, and what I’m really trying to work on more so now, despite having a really tough year, I think practicing gratitude is so important. So I think in Japan, I had this moment and hopefully some people can relate with me because I think sometimes we’re really bad at giving ourselves grace and just congratulating ourselves. But there was one afternoon in Japan, like we’re at this rooftop. I was looking at that and I was like, wow, Ola, I know you might not have.
Lynn Beattie (12:43.581)
Ola (12:59.15)
think you might not think you’ve had the best year, but you are here in Japan paying X amount of thousand pounds that you have funded through your business. You have not had to seek external help. You’ve not had external help since you’ve gone self like, you know, self -employed for two years. Like give yourself grace and congratulate yourself more, like more often. I think that’s something I really struggle with. And I’m sure lots of other business owners do as well because we are always like.
I know we’re talking about can we have it all, you’re always chasing the next thing. You might get the contract you’ve wanted for years and then you’re like, okay, I’ve got that. What’s next? What’s next? What’s next? Someone else has done this, I need to do the same or if not better. So I think we’re always constantly chasing gratification in some way, shape or form.
Lynn Beattie (13:33.213)
Mmm.
Lynn Beattie (13:42.045)
Yeah, and also the nature of our jobs, we do the same job as each other. And is you think that your success is almost based on numbers, isn’t it? It’s, it’s how many followers you get, it’s how many comments you get on posts. And I think that’s a really unhealthy.
Ola (13:46.99)
Yeah.
Ola (13:54.702)
Yeah.
Ola (13:58.35)
Mmm.
Lynn Beattie (14:02.365)
I find it really unhealthy to get obsessed with that kind of stuff. So I, you said about compare, and we’ve talked about comparing yourself to other people before, and I’ve tried to say to you that we are unique.
Ola (14:04.302)
Yeah.
Ola (14:16.526)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (14:16.669)
we all have our individual skills and even like you say that you’re compared to certain people, well no because you’re Ola, you are the one who’s doing your financial advisor qualification and really loving it, but you’re the one putting that work in aren’t you and that’s going to give you like a
Ola (14:26.03)
Yes.
Ola (14:33.23)
Thank you. Yeah, definitely.
Lynn Beattie (14:39.357)
USP. That’s always when you study business, because I did like a business study at A level and then I studied it as part of my degree. So I did maths with statistics and management. It was a really good degree, but a lot of it was management theory. And you have the first thing with when you set up a business is right, what’s my USP? Why people are going to employ me as opposed to them. So I think just…
Ola (14:40.654)
Yeah.
Ola (14:47.726)
Mm -hmm.
Ola (14:51.982)
You’re crazy.
Ola (14:57.422)
Mmm.
Lynn Beattie (15:09.405)
a little bit of like, I’ve got a mentor who sort of looks at my business from a corporate way. So he’s always like, you need to have a strategy, you need to have a five year plan. And I’m like, I don’t want a five year plan. I don’t even know what I’m doing next week. And he’s like, no, don’t be stupid. Of course, you know, and of course I know I’ve got a plan for the rest of this year. I know what’s happening every month. And he sort of enabled me to sort of get it written down. And like, when you have a…
Ola (15:16.27)
Mm.
Yeah.
Ola (15:29.23)
Mm.
Ola (15:35.022)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (15:38.045)
when you have a really tight strategy, it means that you can say, you end up saying no to a lot of people because when opportunities come your way, like for example, I’m not gonna name them, but a mobile phone company wanted me to do some Instagram work for them. And it’s not the mobile phone company. So I used to work at EE and I think that they’re an amazing company and…
Ola (15:57.678)
Mmm.
Ola (16:03.662)
Yes.
Lynn Beattie (16:06.301)
my mobile phone is EE. And this is a different one. It’s not Vodafone. It’s not I do. But so they wanted me to do the social media thing and I wrote a script and they ended up editing the script loads of times. Then I filmed it and they’ve tried to edit the filming. Like we’re on the like, we were on the third edit. So I literally emailed them back and I was like, no, I’m not doing this anymore.
Ola (16:34.126)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (16:34.301)
And now they’re sort of coming back to me and saying, well, okay, let’s make this the last edit. Just one more edit. I’m like, nah, I’m done with it now. And I’ve just said, no, I’ve lost the fee. Well, in fact, I’ve said to them, you need to pay me a kill fee, but they ain’t going to pay me. A kill fee is, is something that you’re paid when a client doesn’t want to progress with you. And let’s say a fee is a thousand pounds. The kill fee might be 500 quid to cover the time you’ve done it. So it’s always good to get kill fees in place. but yeah, it’s been.
Ola (16:41.614)
Yeah. Yeah.
Ola (16:50.638)
Yeah.
Ola (16:58.158)
Mmm. For sure.
Lynn Beattie (17:04.381)
I actually took quite a lot of pleasure from saying no.
Ola (17:08.11)
And I think it’s interesting, isn’t it? I think being able to say no comes with a privilege as well, because a lot of people are struggling financially. I know a lot of business owners are really struggling financially. And again, it’s about, can you have it all? It’s being able to have the privilege of being able to say no and turn down certain opportunities. Like I’ve had to say no to this brand deal recently because the brand just didn’t align. And I’m, when you are in the position that you are as a Fintfluence or you have your own following,
Lynn Beattie (17:23.389)
Yeah.
Ola (17:38.19)
you have a moral duty to your followers, right? Regardless of what brand comes your way, regardless of how much they want to pay you. And I had to say no to probably the biggest fee I’ve been paid for a long while, I’ll admit, right? And part of me wanted to say yes, but I was like, I can’t, I can’t do this to my followers. No one will look like it’s done if I said yes, et cetera, et cetera. So that was really painful. And yeah, being able to say no comes with a privilege, I think.
Lynn Beattie (18:06.077)
Mmm, you’re right.
Ola (18:06.798)
I’m starting to learn that a lot more now because there’s been times where I’ve had to say yes to fees that I maybe don’t want to say yes to because I do have bills to pay, I’ve got to eat, I’ve got to travel. So yeah, I think as well being able to say no is a privilege that a lot of people wish they could have.
Lynn Beattie (18:14.309)
Yeah, yeah.
Lynn Beattie (18:22.813)
you are totally right and yeah I yeah
In the past, I have said yes to things that I shouldn’t have said yes to because I was paying off debt, you know, the story that we went through in your podcast. So I did some work with McDonald’s, like in the early days of Mrs. Mummy Penny. I would, no offense to McDonald’s, but it’s so unaligned with my, like my strap line is healthy, wealth, body and mind. What was I thinking?
Ola (18:33.006)
Mm -hmm. Yep.
Ola (18:51.374)
Yeah. Yeah. But then you can’t look back and be annoyed at that because you were in that position where you had to pay off debt. So you didn’t have the privilege of being able to say no. And…
Lynn Beattie (19:01.533)
Yeah. Exactly. I didn’t. Yeah, no, that’s it. Very good. I didn’t have the privilege then. I was desperate. Yeah.
Ola (19:06.19)
Yeah, yeah, no, no, yeah. And a lot of us are in this position where we are desperate now, you know, people are genuinely struggling to make ends meet. So if you are listening right now and you feel deflated because you want in a position where you are able to say no to things, a lot of us in that same boat, I am very much in that boat. So yeah, I feel it, I feel it.
Lynn Beattie (19:28.093)
Yeah, yeah, no, that’s that’s really cool. That’s a good discussion. So, so let’s go back to I don’t think I ever got to my point about what I think having it all is. So, so yeah, I think having it all is all the 10 pegs being at optimal level.
Ola (19:47.822)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (19:48.317)
However, that is impossible, as I said, because you are never gonna be in a situation where work is perfect, family is perfect. You’ve got a wonderful relationship where you both love each other and still like touch each other in bed. You have a house that looks perfect. You’ve got plenty of money. You’re healthy. Like when are we ever gonna be in a situation with all of those things?
Ola (20:10.798)
Mm -hmm.
Ola (20:16.174)
Mm.
Lynn Beattie (20:16.477)
tip -top, you know, top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
Ola (20:19.95)
Yeah, very rarely. And it’s so weird because a few weeks ago, I thought I was in that position where I think I actually was fully, fully satisfied with everything. I mean, business, maybe not 100%, but I was getting to a point where I was like, my gosh, is this what complete satisfaction feels like? But it doesn’t last long. So even if you do get to a point where you’re like, my gosh, I maybe have got it all, I’m at 100 % optimum everywhere, it only lasts for, I can’t tell you how long it lasts for, but it doesn’t last long.
Lynn Beattie (20:37.565)
Yeah. No.
Lynn Beattie (20:48.637)
Adai.
Ola (20:49.646)
Yeah, if that because what it takes is for you to open LinkedIn again, you see someone else has done something you haven’t yet achieved and whatever or you break up with someone X, Y, Z. So yeah, it doesn’t last long. So maybe being devil’s advocate and going opposed to what you think maybe is supposed to have it all, but it doesn’t last long if you do. I feel like this is really doom and gloom, but I think it’s just reality, isn’t it?
Lynn Beattie (21:08.701)
or
Or do you just have lower expectations? Okay, so having expectations is something that I’ve always struggled with throughout my life. I didn’t have children. I was in… No, I wasn’t in the same situation as you, because I was working in the corporate world. I was working for HSBC in the city. I just qualified as an accountant at the age of 24. I was with a guy who…
Ola (21:28.974)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (21:41.693)
So basically when I was 21, I met a guy who was a lot older than me. He was 30 when I was 21 and my dad had died not long before. So I was looking for, I was looking for a father figure. I was looking for somebody to look after me because of, you know, what had happened to me, like mom and dad dying. And this guy,
Ola (21:48.27)
Okay.
Ola (21:56.942)
Mm -mm.
Lynn Beattie (22:01.757)
Mark, he was absolutely lovely. Like we had a wonderful five year relationship. Like it was really, really lovely. I moved into his house in Kent after uni. And then we moved to Essex near Brentwood where we bought a house together. So I was a homeowner when I was 20, 24.
Ola (22:15.438)
Yes.
Ola (22:22.062)
Wow.
Lynn Beattie (22:22.973)
You know, it’s crazy. But he had a lot of money, right? He was 30 and he was an accountant in the city. So I remember when I met him, my starting salary when I went to HSBC was 25 grand, which is a lot of money that, you know, I was 22 and getting paid 25 grand in 1999. I appreciate now that that was an amazing salary. But he was on about 50 grand. And I just remember thinking, my God, he’s so loaded.
Ola (22:30.702)
Yeah.
Ola (22:43.342)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (22:52.253)
And yeah, literally, he had his own house. He came from quite a wealthy family. So we had all these amazing holidays. And that’s how I discovered designer handbags because he gifted them to me. We used to go to really expensive meals. Like it was, it was a wonderful life for five years. But so, so yeah, when I was 25, that was all sort of mid flow. But then see what I tend to do.
Ola (22:52.27)
He’s a millionaire.
Ola (23:02.158)
Mm -hmm.
Lynn Beattie (23:20.957)
is I get a bit, I just want to shake my life up every few years. I want to make changes and I wasn’t happy with him because we ended up being like just mates rather than lovers, you know, we weren’t having sex. And yeah, I split up the relationship. We had a house together and it, do you know what though? It ended very amicably.
Ola (23:26.478)
Yeah.
Ola (23:33.198)
Mm.
Ola (23:43.662)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (23:48.637)
Literally, he was like, well, we’ve got to sell the house. I’m like, yeah, right. So we sold the house and there was a 50 grand profit between when we bought it and when we sold it. He was like, I’ll just give you 25 grand. That was it. Didn’t have to involve solicitors or anything. It was so amicable. So yeah, so I just, I was talking about expectations. So.
Ola (23:58.798)
Easy.
Easy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (24:12.157)
I sort of trundled along in my 20s with the expectations that I had to have a really good career. I had to be earning as much money as I possibly could. Money was really important in my 20s because dead parents, I had no other ways, didn’t, didn’t, wasn’t interested in kids, not in my 20s. I wanted to travel. I wanted to have nice handbags. I wanted to have a good job. That was what I was most, I wanted to see my mates. That’s…
Ola (24:18.222)
Mm. Yeah.
Ola (24:25.87)
Yeah, for sure.
Ola (24:39.854)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (24:41.405)
what I was motivated by and then when I got towards the end of my 20s, so older than, a bit, yeah, I suppose if you’re saying you’re nearly 27, I met my ex -husband, I met him when I was 27 and fell head over heels in love with him, to the point where he literally moved in with, because I owned a house at that point with a mortgage, he moved in with me within three months, it was too fast.
Ola (25:03.502)
Yes.
Wow.
Lynn Beattie (25:10.653)
And within like, what, three years I was pregnant. And then we had to get engaged and we had to get married. It was all a bit of a shotgun thing. So on my wedding day I was 22 weeks pregnant.
Ola (25:24.526)
Mm.
Ola (25:28.782)
Wow. Wow.
Lynn Beattie (25:32.381)
So my expectations changed again at the end of my twenties. I was just like, my god, all my friends are having babies and getting married. I need to find somebody to have babies with and get married. And I literally just went for the first man that came along. And he wasn’t the right man because we’re now divorced.
Ola (25:44.302)
Yeah.
Ola (25:52.526)
And this is what a lot of people who are single in their late twenties are battling against because it’s very easy to want to have it all. So I’ve got the business, got great friends, got the family, haven’t got a relationship. And you do start to think, my gosh, time is running out. And that’s where you can easily trip, fall, stumble and settle. And I think it’s really important that that isn’t the case. Yeah, yeah.
Lynn Beattie (26:16.253)
Settling, isn’t it? You can’t settle.
Ola (26:20.974)
I think that’s what a lot of people really struggle with. It’s like, can I, do I run the risk of being single forever or do I take the first person that is kind to me and, you know, treats me nicely? And I think that’s really hard sometimes, especially when you are, I’m not speaking for myself, I’m speaking for the general population, but when there’s a lot of people that do just want some love in their life, I think…
I am fortunate that I do have my friends, I do have my mum, my sister and my outer family that are just, we’re all so close. So it is a need in my life, but I know how it can easily become a need if you don’t have, you know, a fatherly figure or a mother figure around or any friends, life can be so lonely. So I can see why then people then fall down these like, you know, these other alleys.
Lynn Beattie (27:00.381)
And it’s about self -esteem, right? And I love self -esteem as a singer as well. Just have to put that out there. If she’s listening, I really want to meet you. Rebecca Lucy Saylor, I love you. Just gotta put that out there. And her new song is amazing. She just released it yesterday. It’s so cool. So…
Ola (27:02.318)
Mmm.
Ola (27:06.638)
Yep.
Hahaha.
Of course.
Ola (27:21.774)
I’m gonna just listen to it.
Lynn Beattie (27:24.957)
Self -esteem. Yeah, so and I’ve been doing a lot of work on this as well and it goes back to the sort of body image stuff we were talking about You have to love yourself. You have to be your own best friend and also like I did what is happiness episode with Timmy, which is episode 2 of this season and
Ola (27:31.854)
Mm.
Lynn Beattie (27:44.637)
If you’re sort of thinking, but I don’t love myself. I hate how I look. I don’t think I’m pretty, all that kind of stuff. Go back and listen to What Is Happiness with Timmy. We both are very good friends with Timmy and it will just revolutionize how you think and feel about yourself. Because self -love is really hard. Like I’ve always, always hated my body. Always. Until, until…
Ola (27:58.798)
Yeah.
Ola (28:05.078)
Mmm. And it’s such a shame, you’re beautiful.
Lynn Beattie (28:11.401)
But like, I’ve got… Yeah, I’ve just got… I’ve been overweight. Yeah, well women. And I’ve been, like at the moment, I am a size 12, so I am actually pretty happy with myself. But like, I’ve been 16 stone before. And I was so unhappy when I was that weight. So yeah, it’s the self. And it…
Ola (28:16.21)
We’re women. We’re women. We’re women.
Ola (28:25.646)
Yeah, yeah.
Mm.
Ola (28:33.326)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (28:39.645)
That’s, it’s almost the most important thing about you as a person. You have to love yourself and treat yourself as you would your best friends. And then everything else will flow because love will flow naturally. You won’t have to talking. This is somebody who’s only just quit the dating apps, like in March. but like it’s amazing how quickly stuff flows. Like, you know, you’ll just get somebody like pop up in your inbox, like.
Ola (28:45.454)
Yep.
Ola (28:49.87)
Mm -hmm.
Ola (29:05.118)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (29:08.765)
they make an effort to actually contact you or you meet somebody naturally like a work event. We meet so many people.
Ola (29:13.07)
Mmm.
Ola (29:16.782)
Yeah, yeah, still waiting for that person to come along, but one day.
Lynn Beattie (29:20.701)
The thing is, also, I feel like I’m dishing out loads of advice here, but my best friend Becky, she had her first child when she was 40. So she got married to somebody, she won’t mind me saying this, she got married to somebody and they got divorced. Then she found another man.
Ola (29:37.326)
Yeah.
Ola (29:41.614)
Mm.
Lynn Beattie (29:44.797)
because she never wanted children and then the new man that she’s now married to he was like but I really want children she was like maybe I do want children with you because I really love you and then I’ve got two kids
Ola (29:53.902)
And this is the thing. Yeah. Yeah. And if this is it, it’s kind of like depending on your life stage as well, you maybe can have it all, but I think it depends what all looks like to you will change. So like for me, it’s being satisfied in my business with where it is. I’m happy with my friends. It’s basically all the tent poles. What my tent poles are right now is having it all once they’re all at optimum, which I don’t think will happen, but you know, we can hope. And then I guess maybe later on in life when I am.
Lynn Beattie (30:08.253)
Yeah.
Ola (30:23.95)
hopefully married and I then want children. And then again, my having it all will look very different to what it is now because I can’t think of anything else than having children right now. So yeah, I think that always changes too.
Lynn Beattie (30:31.741)
Yeah. Yeah. And with children comes obviously your life changes overnight, you know, as soon as that you got, I’m sure you’ve got friends who have had babies. And you think, so my kids are 16, 14 and 11, my boys, and there’s the stress and the issues, you know, mental health issues.
Ola (30:40.078)
massively.
Ola (30:58.318)
Mm -hmm.
Lynn Beattie (30:59.645)
educational issues. That stuff happens to everyone and it’s really stressful because I am literally here to provide for my three boys. Obviously I’m here to look after myself but I want to give them the best life, the best chance in life and when something happens with one of them it’s really hard and it really shakes your ten because
Ola (31:02.702)
It’s a lot. Yeah.
Ola (31:15.534)
Yes. Mm. Ever.
Ola (31:28.174)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (31:30.333)
It’s like, it’s almost like the tent poles have got a priority order, like health is first, family is second.
Ola (31:38.862)
always.
Lynn Beattie (31:41.981)
Friends are probably work after family, then friends, then love. Love is always the least of my priorities because you know what? I don’t need a man. Like what do you need a man for?
Ola (31:48.974)
Hmm. Yeah. True. Companionship.
Lynn Beattie (31:57.085)
Yeah, but your mates do that.
Ola (31:59.214)
not when all your friends in relationships, there’s only so much you can have with your friends at some certain points. And sometimes it is about having companionship, but let me not get soppy on this podcast.
Lynn Beattie (32:06.749)
Yeah. But yeah, I know it’s something that’s really important to you. And it is important to me as well. But I think it will happen naturally for both of us. So in that respect, both in the same situation as each other, we both want somebody to love us. But also somebody who’s kind, who’s secure. We need somebody with a secure attachment style.
Ola (32:20.27)
Mmm.
Yeah.
It’s just a case of.
Lynn Beattie (32:33.629)
We do not need avoidance. We do not need anxious.
Ola (32:36.878)
Yeah, yeah, definitely. Life’s for learning, isn’t it? I think life is ups and downs, which is why I don’t think we can ever have it all because like I said, it doesn’t last long enough if we do. And without sounding domicile, I do think there’s also times where we need to give ourselves grace when we actually don’t actually take time to reflect on what’s actually going well in our lives. I think a lot of us are really hit or knocked hard.
Lynn Beattie (32:46.973)
Yeah.
Ola (33:03.022)
by the things that aren’t going well. And then we forget actually, you know, I’m still really healthy and fit. I’m alive. My friends and family are alive. You know, it’s, there’s so much more to be grateful for. And that’s one thing. And like I said, I’m working really hard on is to practice gratitude more because we don’t do that enough. And I think sometimes the universe, God, whatever you guys believe in, if you’re listening, sometimes I think there’s reason why things don’t happen. If we’re not practicing gratitude, then there’s no reason why we’ll be giving more of what we’ve already got off. We can’t be thankful for what we have. So.
Yeah, that’s why I’m really hard, trying really hard to practice a bit more gratitude in life at the moment.
Lynn Beattie (33:37.469)
I love that. Yeah, I think if we’re gonna pull out sort of key takeouts for people that are going to aid their happiness and make them feel better about stuff, gratitude is so important. And that’s write it down in a journal at the end of the day, or like do it on a voice note to your best mate. I will quite often…
Ola (33:45.454)
Mm -hmm.
Ola (33:57.07)
Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Lynn Beattie (34:04.861)
I love gratitude and I know it makes people feel really good when I say nice things to people. So I often express my gratitude to people. I’ll just send them a message and like, I think you’re amazing. And people are often quite bowled over by it because we don’t get that kind of genuine, authentic praise very often, do we?
Ola (34:10.926)
Yeah.
Ola (34:20.398)
Yeah.
Ola (34:27.726)
Yeah, no, especially if you work for yourself, you have no manager saying, well done. You have no, like your friends lose support, but some of them don’t necessarily get it. So again, and also how much can they praise you because they probably hear the same thing all the time. Do you know what I mean? So it is sometimes you do just need that external validation and that can come from anyone really. And it’s always appreciated.
Lynn Beattie (34:37.981)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (34:49.693)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think you’re amazing. Yeah, so practice gratitude. I’m trying to think what other things I do that help me with, because I have to admit, I do not have it all. And I never will. And I never want anybody to expect you’re going to have it all. As I’ve already said, I’ve got family stuff that’s going on. Have I got enough money? No chance.
Ola (34:53.517)
thanks, Lin.
Ola (35:07.246)
Yeah.
Mm.
Ola (35:14.862)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (35:19.293)
Have I got enough saved? Yes. Have I got enough in my pension? No. What am I going to be doing in five years time? Lord knows. I should say that.
Ola (35:24.59)
Ehh
Ola (35:28.974)
it’s all going on, all going on. It’s a lot, it is a lot, but I think also alongside gratitude, I think it’s about reflection as well. I’m trying not to do this much too much this year because I think it’s not helping me in the way it should, but reflection on how far you’ve come as well. So like, you know, what did your last year look like and how far have you come if you have come far from that? Or like, you know, comparing yourself to the last 10 years, because I think we, again, as cringy as it sounds, and I need to do better at this is.
Lynn Beattie (35:39.261)
Yeah.
Ola (35:57.198)
The only person you can compare yourself is to old you. And I think that’s really important as well. I think that’s another tip that people need to take on because yeah, we’re always constantly chasing or looking or comparing ourselves to other people when really the only people we should actually compare ourselves is to us, is to us. So yeah, God I sound like a preacher today. Get me to a pulpit.
Lynn Beattie (36:04.413)
Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (36:14.269)
Yeah. I love that. No, that’s, that’s, but the thing is, is that’s what you’re all about. You’re just, you’re just a genuine, lovely person who like, you are doing what you do because you want to help people. You want to inspire people and you are. So that’s the biggest sort of thing that you can celebrate about your job. You think of all that, you know, that audience of, I guess, mainly women in their twenties who follow you.
Ola (36:30.766)
Thank you.
Yeah.
Ola (36:39.95)
Yeah. Yeah.
Lynn Beattie (36:43.069)
How are you helping them? Like you’re literally saving people probably millions of pounds. You’re helping women get, you’re helping younger women get towards financial freedom and financial independence. Like, I mean, I’m doing the same to women who have missed the boat in their 20s and 30s and trying to get there in their 40s. So you’re catching them when they’re in their 20s, which is amazing.
Ola (36:47.918)
Yeah, yeah.
Ola (37:01.422)
Yeah.
Ola (37:05.838)
Yeah. Thank you, Lynn. And as are you, you need to sing your praises too. You’re smashing it. And I’m sure the people listening as well are also smashing it in their own respect. And I think that’s also really important. It’s like, what does smashing it? I hate that term because people always say it to me in the time when I never feel like I am. So I don’t know, what does smashing it look like to you rather than what does it look like externally to people watching you? So yeah, I think that’s also nothing that’s really important because…
Yeah, I hate this term, but my God, you’re smashing it. Well, I don’t feel like I am. So you’re as much as I know you that’s come from a really good place. It doesn’t really help people. So I think again, what’s it smashing it look like to you? I think that’s really important and look inward when you are reflecting that.
Lynn Beattie (37:48.925)
Amazing. I think we’ve said it all there. Thank you ever so much. That was, I said we’d end up closer to 40 minutes than 30. And we could probably go on for another like couple of hours. Can you tell listeners and watchers how to find you on the internet?
Ola (37:51.566)
Yes.
Ola (37:59.95)
We could. Yep.
Ola (38:09.038)
Yes. So you can find me at all things money underscore on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, LinkedIn, we’re on there as well on YouTube, all things money. And I also have a podcast where Lynn spoke to me as well and shared honestly, amazing tips. So yeah, that’s also at the all things money podcast, wherever you listen to your podcasts.
Lynn Beattie (38:31.869)
You are everywhere. You don’t have a website though.
Ola (38:33.39)
I am a giant.
www .allthingsmoney .com. Of course I do.
Lynn Beattie (38:42.525)
that’s amazing. Right. Thank you so much. It’s wonderful to speak to you and everybody subscribe to my podcast and to all things money. And then you’ll get little reminders when we release episodes every week. So yeah, thank you ever so much for watching.
Ola (38:53.458)
Yes.
Lynn Beattie (39:01.885)
All right, that hasn’t stopped.
