As the years pass (I just turned 44) experience teaches me how in tune my body and mind is with the seasons. As we pass into Spring everything feels more positive, seasons change and everything improves. I know it’s the same for so many of you out there too, you have shared it with me..
The colours, the spring blooms, the warmer weather, the lighter evenings all contribute to positivity of mindset and I feel ready to take on the world again. Times are good.
I want to do a bit of a life update to explain what’s been going on. I do try to be honest about life over on Instagram, but sometimes the pretty pictures override the words I use below the pictures and you might might miss the temperament or I might not portray the extreme emotions enough.
Life over the past few months has been challenging.
I felt it start to slip in October of last year and it lasted until February this year. I started to crave more food, more sugary food. My healthy lifestyle of workouts, running and even 10k steps walking a day disappeared or drastically reduced. And the weight started to creep back on.
My weight has been an issue most of my life. I thought that I had got it under control at the age of 40. Hypnotherapy hugely helped me. My subconscious mind was able to focus on healthy coping mechanisms. But as time passed I feel like the impact of the hypnotherapy diminished, when the darkness of the winter months overruled everything. When spring arrives the techniques learnt kick right back in though.
Its all about control. When I feel like life is spiralling out of control the easiest thing to do is to reach for a (large) bag of maltesers and a G&T. Oh and bread, all the carbs. The easiest thing to control is what you eat and how much you can eat, be that 2000/3000/4000 calories in a sitting.
I feel sick afterwards and vow to be better the next day. I’m not. And the cycle carries on for weeks, months. And then all of sudden that joyful size 12 I had got to over the summer months, turns into a 14 and then a 16. (Don’t shout at me for berating myself for these sizes, but I am SO NOT happy when I balloon in weight and fatness) I don’t have scales. Thank goodness. My weight gain might have properly tipped me over the edge.
Divorce has been The Best and The Worst in Different Ways
My divorce has had a lot to do with my thoughts and feelings over the winter months. There is nothing that can be controlled in a divorce except your own responses to circumstances and situations. Legal things are still rumbling on causing high levels of stress and expense and I can do nothing to change the outcome.
I value my childfree time, hugely. I have 50% of the week to myself and I really do love it. After 13 years of always having someone to look after its incredibly freeing to only have to look after myself, albeit not very well for a few months. This also makes the time I have with my boys even more precious. We do more, create more, walk more, have more fun.
The great thing about running a successful and busy business is that I can pick and choose when I work, even with the home schooling I was able to move most of my work into the child free days. I am HUGELY grateful that my business has got to a wonderful point where I have lots of work coming to me. Money is not something that I am constantly worrying about on top of everything else. Far from it I’ve been able to put lovely amount of money away for the future for the first time ever!
Its a been a pretty lonely time, especially with the heavy lockdown restrictions for Jan/Feb/Mar. I have missed my friends greatly and it would have been nice to start dating again. Attention from a man is wonderful ego boost. It’s been a long time!
And then March arrived
At the beginning of March the government announced the path out of lockdown and I felt a huge surge of optimism. March is the month of daffodils, a few warm days (Tues 30th March anyone, 23 degrees), the clocks go forward and it’s my birthday month.
I immediately got back on the running, two runs per week slicing 3 mins off my best 5km time within a couple of weeks. I was forcing myself to do HIIT classes and going out for long walks, managing to do 331,000 steps during the month. Hitting 10k steps 24 days out of the 31 days. Boom. The exercise REALLY does make you feel SO much better.
With the increase in exercise I have found my appetite for bad food, sugary food diminishing. I am a huge believer in only eating when hungry and I wasn’t getting hungry until mid to late afternoon. Dinner would often be a vegan Mindful chef dinner packed full of vegetables. And then of course the weight starts to fall off. And the cycle goes round and round, its joyful.
I have been very focussed on self care and taking time to myself, seeing more friends for long walks, listening to podcasts, reading books, having a bath, being in nature, hugging trees (YES!!). And I have had some great ideas for new work projects, including a very exciting new podcast project.
I recently had a life event that I felt like could tip me into a hugely negative spiral and reached out immediately to my therapist who helped out last year. We had a session booked in within a couple of days and she helped me to overcome negative thoughts and feelings. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold.
Positive Times Ahead
Positive times ahead with so much to look forward to, even a few dates;-). Oh and the G&T’s won’t stop, its the least calorific drink with a slim line tonic;-) Plus I got a few bottles for my birthday…
Thanks for reading, and for sticking with Mrs Mummypenny over the years. Following my journey with its ups and downs, demonstrating that really life isn’t perfect. These things happen and we just deal with them.