How I am Falling Back in Love with Myself

This year has been a cluster **** for so many of us. Me big time. The early months of 2021, with the uncertainty of covid and lockdown were tough, some of the toughest months I have ever had. For me this meant that I turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms. I was back to my binge eating ways, sugary treats (alot of), alcohol and not enough exercise.

I just couldn’t see a way out of it and was desperately unhappy with what I had done to my body and how I looked. This image was shared on Instagram in February and it got a huge reaction.

I feel like I’ve been hiding myself away for months and months. This is me, with my lockdown weight gain. I say lockdown, I’ve been on a slippery slope since September. Had my last holiday and let go of all nutritional self control since then. I’ve got no idea how much I’ve gained, I don’t weigh myself, but I’ve gone up 2 dress sizes. I am disappointed with myself. I thought I had this weight thing under control, but then a big thing like divorce comes along and has floored me.

108 comments were left on this post, easily one of my most popular posts, beautiful comments of support, of sharing your stories. I knew I wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

Lockdown slowly ends

The slow release from lockdown came in March and a release from depression followed. My social life returned we could meet friends again. I could go to the beach, go out for dinner and enjoy life again. My eating didn’t improve, although there was less of the binging. And I did start running again, at least 10 times;-)

But the body image issues will still there. I wasn’t doing enough to lose weight and I was still looking at my bigger body every day and hating it. I know I am meant to be ‘body positive’ about my shape whatever my size, be that size 12 or size 16, but I just can’t do that. My body when its a size 16 is not something I love, I look at this picture of me and am disgusted. Harsh words.

A Mind Shift in July

July was a big month. Everything re-opened and it started with a glorious wedding back at home in Cornwall with the girls I went to school with. And I had lots of time to myself by the beach. I could feel my mind shifting.

Two weeks later I had five days at a festival and things shifted more. It was a hugely active festival with over 80 km walked or ran around that festival working and playing over the five days. I worked hard, ate healthy food and definitely started to drop weight. I was talking to a new friend, a personal trainer and hypnotherapist about my weight gain. He was very matter of fact and told me to just get a top up hypnotherapy session. Simples and my mind could be switched back into a more positive mindset.

After the festival I was back in Cornwall again for a weeks holiday with my boys and it was a very active one, a different beach every day, swimming, kayaking and I started craving healthy salads not too much of the cream teas and pasties.

Mid July I also was gifted a membership of a lovely gym, in exchange for mystery shopping them. The planets had aligned, everything was in place to begin operation get healthy, and get back to a size 12 again.

Top Up Hypnotherapy Session

The final planet that needed alignment was the top up hypnotherapy session. This took place with Heather Hall my hypnotherapist mid August. We spent some time talking about what I wanted my immediate future to look like. Things like I want to feel stronger, I want to be more flexible. I want to run faster and be able to look at myself with love. I want to be a size 12. My confidence is hugely important and I want to be inspired by the people around me. I want my business to flow with creativity.

All of these goals were then read back to me with my eyes shut, information going into my subconscious mind. I felt hugely positive afterwards and the days that followed stayed the same. I feel different, I feel more motivated to do everything, I am eating better and I am exercising more. And I already feel better about myself.

I did a body measurement thing at the gym using the Boditrax Machine. My first reading was 19th July, my second reading was 13th Aug. My weight has gone down by 3 kg, although the machine seem to think that was muscle loss. But I know that I am thinner, my clothes already feel looser. The flow is good, am on a downward journey.

Reading Inspirational Books and Surrounding yourself with the Right People

Another big impact was a book that I listened to on the long journey from Cornwall to London. My friend Helen Thorn has written Get Divorced, Be Happy. It was SUCH a story of inspiration and hugely motivated me to feel better about myself.

There are so many similarities between Helens story and my own, so much that I helped wit Chapter 7 of the book, Getting Sh!t done. I just loved it, from her dark days to surviving and becoming a hugely better person, stronger, more confident and whole lot more sparkly.

Its so important to be with the right people, friends, work colleagues and potential new boyfriends. I feel like I have a much better filter to keep the right people around me and if they are not then I stop messaging!

Onwards and Downwards

I shall continue on my journey and will let you know how I do. As I said I just want to be a comfortable size 12 and feel good about myself. I am not obsessing over my weight, I just want to love myself more.


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Lynn Beattie

Aka Mrs MummyPenny

Personal Finance Expert

I write about personal finance made simple, lifestyle choices that will save you time and money, as well as products and services that offer great value.

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