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Splitting up with a partner is one of the most emotionally draining periods of anyone’s life. The stress and anxiety go into a completely different stratosphere when kids are involved too.
As a mother navigating this new chapter in your life, your first mission is to ensure your children are safe, happy and loved from every angle. Fostering a nurturing environment post-divorce often begins with establishing sustainable living arrangements that work for all parties – especially your kids.
Prioritise your children’s wellbeing
Youngsters thrive when they feel nurtured and secure. Watching their parents split up can destabilise their feelings but with thoughtful planning, it’s possible to minimise the impact of divorce. Do everything you can to reassure your kids how loved they are by both parents, no matter where each parent lives.
Try your best to maintain their existing routine. It keeps a sense of normalcy in their everyday lives, be it school routines, after-school activities and even social gatherings at the weekend. Give your kids the freedom and encouragement to voice their feelings. It makes them feel valued and heard during this challenging period.
Negotiating living arrangements

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Determining the ideal living arrangements for you, your kids and your ex-partner will depend on multiple factors. First and foremost, the age of your kids will play a key role. Their personalities and even the existing relationship dynamics between the kids and your ex-partner will also play a part.
There are three common types of living arrangements you may wish to consider. Sole custody is where one parent has primary custody of the children, with the other parent receiving scheduled visitation rights. This may be beneficial if one parent’s work-life balance is such that they cannot have their kids overnight, perhaps due to working night shifts.
The second arrangement is joint custody, where both parents share the custody of their kids by alternating weeks or sharing custody across each week. This is an arrangement which requires high levels of communication and cooperation between you and your ex-partner, so it’s only a realistic solution if things are amicable.
The third solution is known as the bird’s nest custody. The children will stay living in the family home, with each parent alternating between living there and elsewhere. It’s undoubtedly the least feasible option but may be an option for some families, depending on the situation.
If you struggle to communicate with your ex-partner or you have a hard time voicing your feelings in pressurised environments, divorce could be the ideal opportunity to enlist the help of a child law solicitor to advocate for the best interests of you and your kids. They can negotiate new living arrangements on your behalf with your ex-partner, ensuring your voice is heard and your rights are protected.
They also have the expertise and professionalism to draft legal agreements outlining everything from custody and visitation schedules to maintenance arrangements, so everyone knows where they stand. They are well-versed in these scenarios and can comply fully with family law, minimising potential conflict between both parties.
Don’t discount the importance of achieving maintenance and access arrangements with your ex-partner too. Defining clear schedules for visitation and financial payments towards the upkeep of your kids gives you the certainty you need to live your own life.
For more reading around this emotive subject, be sure to read:
• How to look after yourself when you’ve got kids.
• Explore the best survival techniques for dealing with divorce as a woman.