(Are you) Too much woman for just one man?

Are you finding dating a bit of a struggle? Finding Mr. Right feeling depressingly out of reach? Writer and friend Rebecca Megson-Smith suggests that maybe, what you need is a different man for every day of the week.

(Cyndi Lauper’s Girls just wanna have fun….)

Many years ago one of my best friends and I came up with an idea. We decided we were way too much woman for just one man. What we in fact needed to be truly (madly, deeply) satisfied, we figured, was a different man for each of the different days of the week.

We were in our thirties and had had our share of long-term, serious, monogamous relationships. What we’d learned through those was that our needs and desires were not the same on a Monday as they were, say, on a Friday evening.

Asking too much

Our expectation that just one man could meet those diverse needs – which so far appeared utterly unfounded – began to seem outrageous. We humorously began categorizing the men we were hanging out with according to which day of the week they were best suited.

It was hilarious. It was silly. It was fun. Which, after all is what dating should be, right?

So, if you’re struggling to find Mr. Right and the men you’re meeting up with seem to be falling short of your ideals, maybe it’s because you’re simply asking too much of them?

What day of the week best fits your current date?

Mr. Sunday – sensitive, surfer/painter/ecological type. Up for long walks on windswept beaches and conversations about the poetry of Keats.

Mr. Monday – gentle, caring, practical. A good cook and an empath. Supportive of your (sensible) early night with a good book.

Mr. Tuesday – good listener, doesn’t really need to offer much else. Absolutely fine that he usually goes to the pub to do the quiz and leaves you at home with the pick of Netflix.

Mr. Wednesday – a conversationalist, ready to get into the detail of why Pauline at the office doesn’t deserve that promotion or even to delve into meaningful debates with you on issues of politics and philosophy.

Mr. Thursday – spontaneous, a splash of early Friday night charm about him, but contained in the safer options of ‘let’s have a couple at the local’, or ‘fancy a take-away babe’. He’s the type to surprise you with tickets to a gig, the cinema or a theatre show. A great reminder that life is happening now, and shouldn’t be kept on ice till the weekend.

Mr. Friday night – is HOT TO TROT and up for crazy-letting-off-steam-from-the-week type fun. But you wouldn’t necessarily want to take him home to meet your mum for the family Sunday roast.

Mr. Saturday – Now, he’s the special one, quite possibly the keeper. Very likely to roll into Mr. Sunday morning and, ‘why sure, supercool for you to leave your toothbrush and some spare clothes here’ type of casual conversation. A healthy mix of all the days of the week, he can make you laugh and name the constellations whilst he’s keeping you warm under the stars. He’s not scared to talk about the meaning of life, to plan future events with you and thinks you are gorgeous inside and out…

Hands up for Mr. Saturday?

Okay, so do we all want Mr. Saturday? Maybe. But also maybe not. Maybe, don’t give up your Saturday nights to anything or anyone less than your ideal (however you’d describe that). Because the ‘days of the week guys’ from our lives back then have been and gone. That friendship with one of my besties though? That’s still 100% there and has been stalwart through the last decade and more.

There’s a more serious point underlying all of this as well. We’re smart enough to know when we’re dating that the heady mix of hormones and societal expectations means we sometimes make decisions, commit to what’s not right for us, because, damnit all, it’s time to settle down, to fit into the 2.4 expected norms of life. Isn’t it?

Brilliant and Flawed

But, would we settle for less with our friends, our best friends I mean? It’s unlikely. Equally, we know them really, really well. We feel compassion and understanding for them and we love them for all that they are – simultaneously brilliant and flawed.

Yet fabled Mr. Right, we ask way too much of him. And then, settle for less-than, because to ask for more would be too much. Would be admitting we were THIS MUCH WOMAN. Too much woman.

We are too much woman. We should celebrate that. We should recognise the size and complexity of our needs, and find ways to understand and fulfil those on our own terms. We should invest just as much (if not more) in our passions, our friendships, our work in the world, as we do in the Mythic Man. We should be so much woman we have compassion for the guy we welcome into our lives as ‘the one’, so that we know in our hearts, we haven’t settled for less and that we see him as he sees us: Brilliant, flawed and just one (however important) part of the vast and wonderful tapestry that makes up our whole life.

*No actual men were harmed either in the writing of this article or in the original conceptualization of the idea

Rebecca Megson-Smith is a writer, writing coach and feminist, fuelled by books, tea and time by the sea. You can find her on her website, Instagram @ridleywrites and lurking on Twitter @ridleywrites

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